Little Lebowksi Suburban Achievers
2004 Projected Team Roster













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1B- Brian Doolan
                 The inspired fielding of Doolan helped to push the oft maligned Lebowski team
                  into the post season. This season, barring a trade to the LA Clippers for Lamar
                  Odom, Doolan will look to do the same.
 
3B/LF- Billy Donnell
                 After missing much of the 2003 season with due to illness, Billy hopes that all
                traces of Chlamydia are gone from his body, and that he will have a productive
                2004 campaign.
 
3B- "Uncle" Jesse Eismann
               Filling in admirably at third for the convalescing Donnell, Eisman struggled at
               the plate, hitting .082 with 6 K's and 1 ball hit out of the infield.
 
 
SS- Matthew Berman
              A rookie in 2003, Matt wowed fans with spectacular diving catches in the field,
              consistent power hitting, and blazing speed. Looking to have an equally strong
               sophmore effort, Berman vows to step on centerfielder Tom Hart's face at least
               3 times. 
 
CF- Thomas Seamus Hart
              Often called the LLSB'S "Mickey Mantle," Tom couples his astounding
              athletic potential with his incredible ability to play the outfield under the
               influence of alchohol. Tom also led the 2003 Lebowski team in the consumption
               of Red Man chewing tobbaco. 
 
LF- Mikey "Minkus" Ungaro
             Combining the grace of Dimaggio with the speed and skin tone of Tori Hunter,
             Minkus is arguably one of the best outfielders in the game today.  A threat on
             the base path,  Ungaro looks to hit in the leadoff spot.
 
P- Zach Simpkin  (aka Jewish Pedro)
             The ace of the Lebowski staff, Simpkin is also the team leader. However, his accomplishments in the 2003 season were overshadowed by his confrontation with Artie, the half blind pitcher for Scarsdale Delivery. During a bench clearing brawl in a playoff game, Simpkin threw the septugenarian on the ground, drawing the ire of fans and league comissioner Phil Foley as well.
 
 
 
2B- Mike "Smitty" Smith
           Last year, Smith's rookie effort was an important addition to the team. Combining a high average and decent power, with mediocre speed and no desire to slide, Smith led the LLSB in getting thrown out at the plate.
 
OF- Christopher "Right Flank" Sasselu
            The former Scarsdale Raider utility man will be a welcome addition to the LLSB family. Under the longtime tutelage of his mentor Deek DeCresecenzo , Sasselu has developed into a speedy, dependable outfielder with a penchant for short shorts and "coaching" shoes. 
 
3B- Gregory "Bam Bam"  Basso
             This hulking homerun threat will be another new member of the LLSB this season. With an intimidating physical prescence that belies his catlike athleticism, Basso will be an offensive assett, as well as a defensive mainstay at the hot corner..    
 
C, UT- Bryan Gitler
             The youngest and newest aquisition of the team, B-Git has drawn comparisons to Barry Bonds. Not so much because of the similarities in their playing style, but because both men sport freakishly large craniums. Gitler should provide some depth in the batting order, and could develop into a dependable RBI man. 
 
OF, 2B- Jenner Smith
             Last season, Jenner put up the best offensive numbers on the team, drawing comparisons to such great hitters like Wade Boggs, Harmon Killebrew, and Rod Carew. Jenner's real contribution last year was his fantastic "Can-Do" attitude, one that permeated the rest of the team. Expect some more big things from this young man. 
















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