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From IM Basketball, to Duffy Moon, to Paris Hilton
 
It's time to delve into Smitty's drug addled mind for a bit . . . .

     
        Ok, after a few weeks of writing real columns, I'm deciding to take a break. Well, that, and you guys seem to like my ramblings columns more. But first, I want to talk to people about the a time honored college tradition. One that stimulates student's minds and challenges their orginality and wit. Yes, I'm talking about the naming of an intramural basketball team. At Dickinson, the IM Basketball season is riiiiight around the corner, and there are plenty of names up in the air. When choosing a team name, there are plenty of roads to go down. You could use a term or phrase from a popular movie, although this is quite unoriginal. One of my favorite team names of the past few years comes from an IM football team on which most of the players hailed from the Buffalo area. The team name? Norwood's Revenge. Classic.
         Another popular source for team names is inside jokes. It may be un-funny to outsiders, but hey, it's your team. The best inside joke names are those that poke fun at one or more players on your team. Let's use a hypothetical situation. Say your point guard, let's call him Alex, hooks up, more than once, with a girl who may or may not worship Shiva (I hope I'm being clear enough). It would be perfectly reasonable then, to name the team the Punjabi Emcees.
 
Seriously though . . . have fun with it. It's your team . . . go wild.
 
 
ok . . . on to ramblings . .. .
 
 
For a little section, let's take a trip down memory lane, to a time when pipe cleaners were solely art supplies . . . To a little place called Elementary school.
 
Without a doubt, Duffy Moon has to be my all favorite wheelchair bound, semi-telekinetic teenaged astronaut. But then again, that's just me.
 
Speaking of entertaining semi-educational movies, Voyage of the Mimi really only taught me three important lessons. 1. Deaf chicks can be hot. 2. Ben Affleck really can't act. AND rule number 3. It is acceptable for three scantily clad,  multi-racial men to share a sleeping bag, especially if one has hypothermia.
 
Finally, if there's one valuable lesson I took away from my experiences in elementary school it's this. The kid that brings a pocket knife to school in first grade will eventually wind up being 22 years old, driving his Camaro around the high school parking lot, selling drugs to 14 year old boys.
 
Ok . .. . enough remeniscing . . ..
 
If I had to pick one phrase that I never thought I'd hear in my life, then wound up hearing this week, I'd have to say that "Vin Baker's rennisance" takes the cake.
 
I've been hearing a lot about the proposed "Baseball World Cup" . . .but it leaves me with two questions. Will Roger Clemens take part? If so, will he defect to the Iraqi team and lead them to 4 consecutive world titles while badmouthing the American way of life? (probably)
 
 
Ok . . .I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but the high point of the Playmakers season finale was undoubtedly when it was discovered that . . . . D.H's  FATHER IS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY!
 
Speaking of Playmakers possibly the most outrageous occurence had to be Leon getting denied a sports commentary job because of his involvement in a locker-room brawl. This prompted my buddy Slex to say "Christ, Michael Irvin is on NFL Primetime and he's done lines of coke off 14 year old prositutes while holding a duffle bag full of loaded semi automatic weapons." This is all true but, I guess ultimately, the man has style, and that's what matters.
 
Ok, I'll ask. are Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dolph Lundgren doing voice overs for the girls on Joe Millionaire? Yea . . . I thought so too.
 
Just when I thought I was going to escape the clutches of Playstation 2, I went out and bought Tiger Woods 2004 AND the new NBA Live game. You know you're in a rut when it's four in the morning and your are cursing audibly because you can't hook around the dogleg on the 4th hole at Bethpage.
 
Not many people know this, but the Paris Hilton sex tape was just a failed pitch for a Verizon "can you hear me now?" commercial. (If you don't get that, let me just tell you now; It's a joke you want to get)
 
Speaking of the tape; can I buy stock in things like "Two years from now, scandal will rock the Olson Media Empire when a tape documenting a steamy sexual encounter between Mary Kate and Aaron Carter"?   
 
 
Finally in Smitty news, I'm glad to say that, along with my friends Jeff and Ryan, I will be coaching a 7th Grade Rec Basketball team. Before he let me join the coaching staff though, Jeff made it abundantly clear that, although Hoosiers is  a fantastic movie, I am explicitly prohibited from drunkenly stumbling onto the court, yelling at the officals, a la Dennis Hopper.
 
 

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