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Errors, Omissions, and the NFL Week 15 Picks

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Bakay ain't got nothing on Smith

Before I get to my NFL Week 15 Picks, I just want to say that I owe all of my fans an apology.
 
Earlier this week, I wrote an article about the top off-season baseball storylines, but I made one glaring omission, and I've been kicking myself about it for days.
 
How could I possibly leave out any mention of the firing of Met's assistant GM, Bill Singer, for his unsensitive racial remarks to a chinese member of the Dodger's organization. I don't know what's funnier, that he asked her "What Country in China?" (in what the media have described as a "nonsensically mock chinese accent") or that he blamed the remarks on the fact that he was drinking beer while on a "Low Carb Diet."
 
(First of all, what kind of low-carb diet includes beer as a staple nourishment? That's kind of like fighting a morphine addiction by using copious amounts codein)
 
Well, I just wanted to clear things up . . . I knew, I just forgot.
 
Now on to the NFL Week 14 Picks . . .
 
 
PATS (-7) over  Jaguars 
 
 
It comes down to this. The Jags just don't win on the road (The Seahawk Principle). Here, they are coming into New England facing a superbowl contender? Get out of here.
Also, keep in mind the matchup of Belichick's pressure defense against unproven rookie Byron Leftwich. When pressured this season, Byron has shown all the poise and maturity of a third grader who finds his father's stash of Playboy's and invites his friend's over to marvel at the tasteful photography.
 
Maybe next year kid.  
 
JETS (-3) over Steelers
 
Not to jump on the bandwagon, but the Jets would have been a serious Playoff threat had Chad "Dumbo"
Pennington been around all year. I love Vinny, but I firmly believe that Pennington is "bar-none" the best young quarterback in the game. 
 
The one intriguing storyline in this game is the seeming resurgence of "The Bus". Every year for the past 4 years, we've come into the season with reports of Bettis being stronger, slimmer, and in shape, but this is the first year that these reports seem to be warranted. By Week 15 most years, Bettis would already be sidelined by his bad knee, and ESPN would be running stories that involve the words "Bus" and "Flat-Tire" in them. However, after rushing for 100 yards last week, it will be interested to see what he does against that talented, yet uneven defensive unit of the Jets. 
    
 
 
 
Dallas (-1) over REDSKINS
 
Yes, the Cowboys looked awful last week. Yes, it's apparent to anyone (including himself) that Quincy "Footsteps" Carter is not the quarterback of future, but to be honest, the Cowboys, despite their shortcomings are simply a better football team than the Redskins. Well at the very least they have a coach that belongs in the NFL
 
Two interesting notes
The highlight of last week's Cowboy's game occured after the botched snap that led to a Cowboy safety. On the sidelines (i'm so happy that the TV Cameras caught this)  Center Bill Conaty, seeks out Parcells and tries to explain that the errant snap wasn't his fault. Conaty is turning blue in the face and waving his arms wildly around, and Parcells is just staring at him with this kind of half-smirk on his face (somewhat akin to the Steve Spurrier Face, ironically) I think I am going to rename this Parcells' smirk the "Have Fun Playing In Cleveland Next Season Face"
 
and finally
 
I don't understand how Quincy Carter could have possibly misfired as Cowboy's Quarterback, considering he's throwing to one of the best 3 man WR tandems in the NFL and some guy named Zuriel.
(I mean Terry Glenn, Joey Galloway and Antonio Bryant, and you can't do better than 8-5? If Quincy were a college student, he'd be your friend who would take a gorgeous girl, who is defenitley into him, back to his room. However, a few hours later you'd stumble back onto your hall, only to see that his door is open, she's sitting on his bed, leafing through his old HS yearbook, and he's sitting on the computer Insta messaging his old girlfriend while listening Dashboard Confessional. Quincy just can't "close the deal" and the 'Boys just won't be contenders till they get someone who can.  
 
Falcons (+7.5) over COLTS
 
I don't want to jump on the Vick train, but I do think that this will be the biggest upset of the week.  I don't know who is coaching the Falcons next year, and I don't really care. Vick is the soul of this team, and anyone who says otherwise is either: A) Crazy-- or B) Dan Reeves.
 
Vikings (-7) over BEARS
 
Come on. You're kidding right?
 
Texans (even) over BUCS
 
The award to the most inconsistent team in the league undoubtedly goes to the Bucs of Tampa Bay. One week, they'll look like the defending Super Bowl champs, and the next, they'll look like the New York Giants. I say they have a Fassel-esque day on Sunday, and lose 21-13 to this "frisky" Houston Team.
 
 
TITANS (X) over Bills
 
Man . . .I hate betting against McNair.  But sometimes it's tempting. With Eddie George's appendages falling off this season, it makes "Air" just a little bit less effective.  Also, Buffalo has one of the best defenses in the league.
 
But ultimatley I have to go with the Titans, at home, ready to bounce of a two game losing streak.
 
(Just thought I'd mention, the Bounce-back has to be one of my favorite sports phenomenons. You can rest assured that a guy like Steve McNair will bounce back after two losses. It's almost garuanteed. However, this same principle rarely works in real life situations, such as hitting on girls at a bar. If you strike out with two girls in one night, one of two things will happen. You decide to quit, and drink to your pathetic Quincy-esque game , or you hit on the uglier friend of one of the girls, who will inevitably shoot you down because, let's face it, who wants to be second bannana?)
 
 
 
Seahawks (+7) over RAMS
 
I know the Seahawks don't win on the road, I know Bulger is on fire, I know Koren Robinson has mishandled more airborn balls than George Michael. Still, if I was good at picking games, I'd be in Vegas. I'm not, so I'm going with  the Seahawks.
 
KC (-14) over Lions
 
I don't really have anything to say about the game. It's pretty cut and dry.
 
I will say this though.
 
I really miss the Scott Mitchell era in Detroit, especially the days when his interception total had a chance to reach double digits.
 
BRONCOS  (-10.5)  Browns
 
Clinton Portis is the best running back in the game today. He's the evolutionary step to Walter Payton. He's the second fastest player in the league . . .blah blah blah. Ever notice how any running back who runs in Denver automatically becomes an all-star? Terrell Davis, Mike Anderson, Olandis Gary . . .now Clinton Portis. Maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with that fact that they have consistently had the best offensive line in football for the better almost a decade now.
That being said, the Cleveland Browns are, in fact, the  Cleveland Browns. And that's the nicest thing I can say about them. Their IR list is starting to look like their roster, and 5 more players have been sidelined after last week.  Quarterbacks who cry, Running Backs who get stabbed, kickers who BREAK THEIR ARMS? Wow. I'm gonna have to go with Denver on this one.
 
 
Ravens (-6.5) over RAIDERS
 
I think the Raider's season can be summed up by the following information: Last week, after an injury to QB Rick Mirer, Rob Johnson came in for 2 series. Had Johnson been injured, Tee Martin was ready to come into the game. TEE MARTIN?? Apparently Gio Carmazzi was busy.
 
On the other side of the coin, the Ravens (who have also been faced with QB injuries to Boller AND Redmon) are completely enthralled with the  The Emergence of Anthony Wright. Wright has emerged as one of the more reliable (and likeable) personalities on this Raven's sqaud. Personally, I can't wait till MTV Cribs goes to Anthony's house, just to hear him speak unintelligbly about his den for 45 seconds, then watch him breakdown in tears of joy. 
 
 
CARDINALS (+6.5) over Carolina
 
I believe this game will only broadcast on the UniVision's Deportes Program , with Alberto Pernalo Julio Cortes doing play by play.
 
Packers (-5) over CHARGERS
 
never bet against Brett Farve late, even the current, Jordan in 2001incarnation of the Pac-Man. Especially with Ahman Green running the ball.
Also, Drew Brees returns to the starting QB role for the Chargers this week. (need I say more?) 
 
 
SAINTS (-7)  over Giants
 
I don't even want to get into it.
 
But since I have some space to fill, let me just point out that Jesse Palmer is getting the start for the Giants.
 
(Which in the grand scheme of things, might not be a bad thing. All throughout his career, Kerry Collins has been the "Quarterback of Two Faces" there is "Good Kerry" who is liable to throw for 300 yards and a 4 Touchdowns, and there is "Evil Kerry" who apparently enjoys fumbling and tossing interceptions. This season, "Good Kerry" has yet to make an appearance.  
 
Eagles (+2) over DOLPHINS
 
The begining of December always signals three things. Impending final exams, the start of Chanukka(?), and the Dolphin's annual collapse.
 
Couple that with the fact that Donovan McNabb is playing with an Earl Boykins sized chip on his shoulder, this might be the easiest game to call this week.
 
 
But then again . . . You never know 
 
 
 

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